Today I want to touch a subject that I am often asked - especially in person when I have the pleasure of meeting some of you at events (women scream Harvard undergrad who invited me to speak on their way to the panel the success of last month ) - but also in emails from all of you as well. It always has to do with some variation, the medicine is still right for me? Perhaps you are in your first year of college, after completing most of your needs pre med and despite having already taken the MCAT, but now with doubts about a career in medicine. Perhaps you've done the "hard work" to do in med school, but you are in your second year and concerned that you may have chosen the wrong field. This is exactly where I was on my second year of medical school, and I hope that sharing a few tips can help you find with your response to this question terrifying. And for those of you outside of medicine, this post is still fully applies to you, any location where you are.
The most important thing to help you reach your answer is to figure out what is making you have these doubts in the first place. I'll share a bit 'of my experience with this question and some' self-reflection that I did to figure out why I felt that way.
Just around the second year of medicine I hit the "I hate this and I want to do something different" phase of my training. The second year is a stepping stone for students med - gone are the days of family anatomy and biochemistry and genetics that many of us were already largely familiar from undergrad - now it was all new territory. And add to that, we were now facing the first major test for licensing clinic - the almighty Step 1. With all this came insecurity in the face of a greater workload. Not only that, but everywhere I looked, I saw the doctors who were unhappy. I do not know about you, but nothing more doubt upon himself a dream to see those who live your dream unhappy, some even downright unhappy. Demand started to come in my mind - "Why am I working so hard To have that I do not want this?". I struggled with this for a while ', eventually picking up the courage to talk to a few people about it - namely, my mentors doctors and my parents. My mentors all doctors have told me to hold on, and my parents could not understand at all (but fortunately they said that whatever I decided respected). There was a lot of guilt that came with the feeling that way, after all, this is what I wanted all along, right? People would kill to be in my place here at Harvard Medical School. And here I am, to be ungrateful for my blessings. (Looking back, this is a mentality that hurts a lot of people, especially those suffering from depression). In any case, make a long story short, my change of heart and a renewed drive and motivation came from the most unlikely places. A blogger meetup. I finally had a chance to talk to women outside of medicine, and instead of feeling that everyone loved their work, it was discovered that many of them were unhappy or unsure of their work and the path they were on. This was a critical moment aha - the realization that it was not only for medicine or the path I was on, that could happen to anyone, which actually was probably feeling a real normal to have at this stage of life! So I did a little 'more thought, and outlined below you will find the biggest points I learned from this experience and hope can help some of you!
Negativity perpetuates negativity. During this time in my training, but I felt like the doctors I was seeing was miserable, I realized it was as if in search of those doctors. If I did meet a doctor who appeared happy, I assume you were hiding how miserable they were, or that somehow just got lucky - they were an outlier. I would like to read the forum doctors and commiserate other medical students who were considering a career switch as well. This was an incredibly unhealthy habit and led me further down a path of misery and almost encouraged. I was feeding the circuit negativity. When I got out of it, I realized that in fact they were happy people in medicine, and I could certainly be one of them.
The grass is not always greener on the other side. Not only do we tend to see only evil in our current situation, we tend to see those outside of it with rose-colored glasses - everything is good on the other side. We think that if only we were on the other side, everything would be better. Figuring this out was the key for me to realize that I was actually still on the right track. Meeting with other bloggers who were amazing in all the different careers, and to hear what they thought their fields were incredibly enlightening for me. They had all the things that did not like their job and everyone had daydreams of switching fields (and of course this can be prevented because they were all bloggers, and so already had interests outside of their "day job", but I think the lesson is still critical). After meeting with these women I have come to the conclusion that changes lives that the grass is not greener on the other side; the grass is greener where you water it. (I can not take credit for that line, however, but you get the point). So I decided that I would I water my grass, dammit!
We tend to question our way when we are sure of ourselves and our abilities. In my case, it was not just that I was apparently surrounded by people who were where I wanted to be, but unhappy. It 'was, also, that I was finally facing my first big obstacle to medical school (phase 1), where a number (your score) presumably determines the specialties you can get, and therefore your future. This is terrifying. And with that fear came insecurity, and that insecurity, fear of failure. One way that some of us deal with the fear of failure is to stop before we fail. To go on our own to do before being able to understand that we are not good enough. I've been there, and I completely understand. But I also know that the only way that we can really is not looking. I spoke of self-doubt and the feeling that you're not good enough before (see here if you missed that post), so I will not go too much into it now, just to say you do not let the car -doubt get to you . Climb up to the challenge - study your butt off - and the confidence that you are good enough.
This age (for most of us, our 20 years, but can happen at any time) is a time where we are all sure whether we are on track. There is a fear that if we do not hurry and choose a path, someone will choose one for us. And if we have chosen a path, there is the fear that we are engaging in a field (and should not be medicine - this applies to those of you in business, or grad school, or law school, or teaching , any field you choose), that can not be "the right one" for the rest of our lives. Almost every one of us affects this stage, it is normal, that is part of becoming a so-called adults and hoping that somehow we fit the mold we created for ourselves as teenagers. As it feels like we're committing the stem cells down one path to becoming a fully differentiated cell locked into that destiny forever (sorry for the reference of science trivial, I could not help myself) - are not differentiated cells ! We can change at any time, even if it does not seem that now. As you feel like you should have all "set" by the time you hit 30 (or whatever age you choose random), rest assured that most of us are just winging. The best advice I can give is to trust the path that you are on, work hard toward any goal set for yourself (even if you have your little doubt about it), but do not be blind to new opportunities as they pop out of both. Life has a funny way of working for those who make the best.
Finally, do not be afraid to come out of this is what you really, really want to do. I put this as the last option, because I'm not a big advocate of "quit smoking", and I really believe that most of the things listed above are our real reasons for wanting to quit. But, if you have lived this list and really did some self-reflection on why you are not satisfied, and still feel like the medicine (or whatever field you are) just is not right for you, maybe it's just is not . And that's completely fine. It takes a brave person to really see that and act on that, but more power to you if you can. Now I say this with a warning - if you're still in medical school, it's a much easier time to decide to do something different. I do not think anyone would even call it quit. If you're in medical school, however, my advice would be more sincere stick out and get a degree in medicine. It is not necessary to pursue medicine after, but whatever you choose to do, however, you will be a much more valuable and desired with the MD This becomes even more true when it is further into medical school and already accumulated quite a lot 'of debt. More likely than not, you'll find something in medicine that love and decided to stay in it, after all. But some people do not, and that is good. Even when a course change seems it will take a lot of time, as they say - do not give up on a dream (or a new dream) because of the time it will take to achieve it - the time will pass anyway.
I hope to share this might help some of you! I hope to share with anyone you think might benefit from reading this. At the end of the day, if you've decided that you're on the right track, but not necessarily happy, learn to water your grass! Find positive people and happy and understand why they are so. Find something you love, or someone who wants to help, or a problem that needs solving, and the feeling of having a purpose again. And remember to be thankful that you are also able to contemplate your place and potentially change that place - so many people do not have this freedom. I'd like to hear what you think of the post or if you have been in this place before in the comments section!
